||[12 Jun 2005|07:21pm]
Well, talked to John last night till his phone died I guess.
He told me he'd call sometime between 9-10.
9:45 I remind him to call.
He's like Okay.
But did he?
No sirrie he didn't.
Imma hafta call him in a few.
at 10 o clock Cristy calls.
"why arent you at work."
"Danielle said I was off."
"Come in now if you can."
MY WEEKEND OFF.
So yes, all day I was at work.
New A/C so it wasn't atrociously hot at least.
Mrs. B. (my boss) left the hut open all night.
He let bugs make the hut their sanctuary.
I had a battle with the wasps all day.
I swatted at it.
I missed it.
I chased me.
Need I go on?
Just had a bug fest today.
Still doesn't like conversations..
He's always "Tired" as her puts it.
Hope he goes and gets his penis stuck somewhere.
Last week of hell, ahead of me.
I can do this.
I can do this.
I can do this.
All of my flowers died.
John told me he loved me last night.
My last words were, Yeah Okay? You too?
Ha. Guess I'm rude.
Too bad he wasn't being truthful.
Went to the bluegrass festival yesterday.
I fell in love.
He was so gorgeous.
He turned me on. LIKE WOAH.
After he was singing, Loni&I got his autograph, Loni got a picture with him.
I stalked him.
He was gorgeous.
Then he left.
His tour bus was leaving.
So I followed it.
Then dad picked me up while I was chasing it.
I think I stepped on a baby turtle it smushed against my sandal and got all slimy. WHOOPS.
Jamie was hot.
Bluegrass is funny music.
I called loads of people so they could suffer listening to it.
i'm so mean.
it was funny.
my picture is coolstuff.
That hat is hot.
I want braces off.
I want to call John.
||[09 Jun 2005|09:30pm]
now i got moody at zach.
anyone else want some of this shit.
im going to bed early.
i don't want to be able to think anymore.
i may get sick.
||[09 Jun 2005|09:11pm]
i promised i wouldn't cry this week.
but i don't think anyone can live their life knowing that i'm not crying.
that's everyone's life goal.
thanks a bunch.
I don't know one person, one person at all who hasn't made me cry.
i dont think i can last this last week.
||[09 Jun 2005|08:57pm]
found out what i didn't want to know.
everyone else got to the beautiful personelles first.
he lied to me.
life is hopeless.
i hate computers.
i hate aim.
i hate my room which has a computer which has aim.
i hate my unfab luck.
and i hate my tears.
which have come for a visit.
i must go die now.
||[09 Jun 2005|08:20pm]
I am demented.
I sound so selfish.
I hope&hope&hope to get a chance, even if one day, with Daniel.
But he has a girlfriend.
&that prevents it.
I think he was having problems with her.
If it's cause of me.
Maybe I am related to Zeus, in my greek heritage.
I went to the doctors after school.
So I won't be talking to Jordan tonight.
I'm on antibotics.
&My sickness is unknown.
Ma has "walking ynomonia."
Jordan sung me the song, "Amazed." yesterday at 12. a.m.
I was so completely amazed by him.
If he meant the lyrics.
Today Jeremy and I were looking at my yearbook and our desks were somewhat close,and he was trying to show me a picture and he like backs up, and says, "WATCH OUT."
Maybe I got to close.
He's leaving me anyways.
Yesterday I got Most Improved Plaque at the awards ceremony.
like 200 eyes staring at me as I walked to the front of the cafeteria from the back.
In a short skirt.
I got paranoid.
They spelt my name wrong on the plaque.
ie instead of ei in my last name.
Today in the school awards,
I got Hard Worker in Algebra.
I hate mr. ellis.
I now dislike Salo and Sheafer.
If Salo sees me and says something,
I'm just going to say back,
"I'm scared to talk to you, YOU MIGHT WRITE ME UP."
She told Sheafer to write me up because I went to his class during lunch and showed him my soccer pictures.
He said he was "supposively" teaching.
But the entire class wasn't even paying attention.
moody bald men these days.
I told him i'm never visiting him again.
He told me, REALLY!? :)
My tonsils hurt.
My drama monolouge is:
Rose, you're no picnic. Alright, you're a spoiled little brat, even. But under that you're the most amazingly astounding wonderful girl...woman, that i've ever know, and, No. let me try and get this out. you're you're ama..(amazing beginning) I'm not an idiot. I know how the world works. I've got ten bucks in my pocket. I have nothing to offer you and I know that. I understand. But i'm too involved now. You jump, I jump, remember? I can't turn away without knowing you'll be alright. That's all I want. They've got you trapped Rose, and you're going to die if you don't break free. Maybe not right away because you're strong but. sooner or later that fire that I love about you, rose..that fire is going to burn out. Only you can save yourself.
||[06 Jun 2005|01:43pm]
I took a shower.
Now I smell like grapes.
Wtf am I fucking fruit basket?
+i'm not being ignored.
so I was lying?
||[06 Jun 2005|09:43am]
I smell like apples now..
Why would I want to walk around smelling like apples?
Granny Smith if you pulessase.
I just heard a song.
And I think,
For the first time ever.
This is enjoyable.
I like it.
I love baths.
Esp when the water is so hot that it gives me goosebumps. <3
Going to continue relaxing.
I like it.
It's nice feeling.
||[06 Jun 2005|09:23am]
I wonderful If I put herbs in my bathtub if my skin would be silky...
better not try.
||[06 Jun 2005|09:20am]
I find it pathetically stupid that I still think about Kane.
But if I talk to him nowadays.
He can't keep a conversation going.
MAYBE YOU WERE RIGHT.
TheVikksta: just because you have a penis doesn't make you unconversational.
Hm. Maybe you were right.
I was wrong.
Guys are all the same.
||[06 Jun 2005|08:29am]
I'll tell you everything.
I have an entire seven hours till any of my friends come home from school.
So I'll write it all down.
The saturday before last, I was at work,
and all of sudden my tonsils swelled up.
&ever since i've been sick as a dog.
I'm always coughing.
I woke up last night worried.
I'll tell you why I was worried in a wee bit.
&I started choking coughing.
&I guess I fell asleep again,
&I woke up,
I could not talk,
The entire roof of my mouth was paralyed.
My tonsils are acheing like crazy.
So mom asked me if I wanted to stay home,
And I said, "Yes." Obviously.
I think she's taking me to the doctor tonight.
Isn't that swell,
Missing school on the last week of school.
If my grades aren't already bad enough.
Romeo&Juliet killed my grade.
I hate Romeo&Juliet.
Sure, a good story line.
But hell if I understand what I'm reading.
fucking, "thy art thou buttshaft art thy mother."
I don't even know what I just said.
I know this is uber uber uber pathetic.
I do get attached too easily.
You saw how I wrote about this Jordan kid, okay.
I talked to him on the phone saturday night for like an hour and 45 minutes.
I was on webcam,
But I wasn't planning on showing my face,
Because nobody wants to see me after dark, ha.
He told me smile big with braces, I agreed.
I did it.
And the webcam showed his wonderful picture of a pimple on my cheek.
The picture keeps ringing in my head.
&After that, he went silent till I started talking again.
Ugh So embarrassing.
And he hasn't talked to me since.
He's ignoring me.
He was so nice to me.
I sent him at least 5 text messages and he didn't answer to any of them.
I got online, and he very slowly responded.
If I can remember correctly,
DANIEL DID THE SAME THING.
The first couple of days, we'd talk with no pause,
Then they would answer slowly in IM.
Meaning all guys are the same somewhat.
I think Zach did it too.
Maybe it's because after awhile they don't like my personality.
Maybe my personality sucks.
Maybe thats why nobody seems to like me.
Or like it.
Guys never have crushes on me.
I feel so ugly.
I really do.
No matter how much anyways says I'm not.
I beg differ.
Maybe I'm hideious.
I don't really know.
Because I can only see myself in the mirror.
And I think mirrors lie.
Esp. my mirrors.
At home, I look all great before school.
Then I look in the school mirror and I look like shit.
It may be the flourecent lighting at school.
Whatever it is,
I am hidious.
I'm getting proactive.
I want completely clear skin like Nichole.
She has like perfect skin.
I heard it works good too.
I know I only have like 3 pimples total.
Without makeup I have red dots everywhere.
You know what,
I bet the Lake made me sicker.
+ my eyes were blood shot again today.
I should take this day to myself and like do everything possible to look better.
I don't know exactly what to do though.
I've offically decided,
My side profile sucks.
Just to let chya know.
My room didn't stay clean very long after Memere left.
It's a mess again.
I'm a failure.
You know what,
I should tan all day.
It's like 90 something.
Everyone else is at school.
I can be the only one tanning. :)
But I'm sick.
I have chores I haven't done as well.
I haven't cleaned the bathroom due to work.
I left Jordan a message last night,
Telling to call me and take away my worries of him hateing or ignoring me.
It sounded really despartate.
He didn't call.
Meaning that he does?
This = gaygaygaygaygaygay.
I wish i knew what I did.
If it's the webcam thing.
Then this will suck.
I hate John Mayer.
He can sing.
But his lyrics suck.
"I wanna run through the halls of my high school, and scream at the TOP OF MY LUNGS."
"Your body is a wonderland."
Last night I actually had a conversation with Zach.
That didn't end till my bedtime.
I dreampt of AJ.
i = the dumbest girl alive.
daniel came up to me for a high 5 and all that jazz.
&totally ignored him and somewhat elbowed him.
I felt really bad.
But he was the main one who led me on.
And I just wanted pain at the moment.
He used to always tell me i'm so beautiful.
And how he wanted to get to know me better.
Why does he fail the conversation then?
victoria = boy crazy.
if a boy from my crazy fad would kiss me.
victoria = happy.
victoria = not want anything more.
victoria = sad.
victoria = the end.
I bet my eyelashes are going to fall off if I keep leaving my mascara on at night..
Yesterday morning my eyes were glued shut.
And this morning too.
I really missed this radio station, 9.25 WINC FM.
101.9 got really heavy duty rap shit and it got annoying.
After a couple of months listening to that non stop.
I finally went back to the wonderful 9.25.
Howie Day &Gavin DeGraw in concert.
In Vienna, VA.
Victoria = going.
I'm going to marry Howie Day.
Then he can sing to me every night.
I love it when people sing to me.
I already know.
My flowers are dying.
Why are there so many hott guys on buddypic?
there's also some hidious ones too.
Thought i'd share that with you.
I'm running out of things on my mind to share.
The radio is using the Wizard of Oz munchkin song for some termite commercial.
I feel like watching Wizard of Oz now.
The songs in my head.
Down the yellow brick road...
I miss soccer.
I miss exercise.
Maybe I'll exercise today.
I may get fat from no exercise.
I miss it.
Wednesday is the awards banquet.
Zach&Bobby both said they're prob not going.
I threatened to flush their heads down a toilet.
oooooh. I'm daring.
we voted on who got most improved & MVP.
Salo & Shafer always tell me how I'm most improved.
If I get most improved.
I may cry.
In strings the only award I got was...
drum roll pulllllessse.
Is that my only lives achievement?
I hafta do my ABC book for geography.
That = gay.
I hafta draw 26 pictures.
Since it's due tommorow.
I've got into reading again.
Call me a nerd.
But it's enjoyable.
Due to internet.
I'm reading Slaughter House 5.
I finished the Joke Book.
What do you call a bull that sleeps a lot?
A BULL DOZER.
That's so lame,
But I still giggle like mad from that.
I should take a bath too.
I have so many things I could do today.
You know what.
I hope I have tonsilitis.
I really hope hope hope.
But I want my tonsils out.
And I can't get them out unless I get tonsilitis.
I'm thinking about how lonely Brooke will be in about 20 minutes in Math.
She's so lonely in Math without me.
She's probably in Hollywood now with Jesse McCartney because she went to his concert at Kings Domionion on Saturday.
I wonder if anyone will notice i'm gone.
I bet Salo will.
Since I bother her every locker break,
& since she gets lunch duty,
I stand and talk with her 10 minutes during lunch.
Since she's probably bored.
If I don't get Salo next year,
I'm changing classes so I do.
She used to always be a laugh,
Smile wherever she went,
She was always a happy child,
Till the day she met love.
She was your average girl,
She looked plain and simple,
She had an average life,
But she had nothing quite...unique.
Day to Day.
Week to Week.
She'd mope around,
Crying a Creek.
After so much break',
She only loved a myth,
That led to insanity,
She would hold her breath,
Count to three,
This girl was me.
She's that girl I see,
In my relection,
She's that monster I see,
I can't write worth crap.
You brought me close,
You took thy heart,
Why shall the' be hurt,
From thy painful words,
Let me be, you fool
You fool of shame.
Walk all over me,
Stomp on my soul,
Do whatever pleases you,
My faith still stands.
Stronger than your will,
You drop me like a book.
But I'll still stand tall.
Within this wall,
Of painful sorrow.
--Someone from Buddypic.
Too long have I waited since my last kiss,
Too long have I gave you my wishful bliss,
A backup stop of life I am,
You sending me daggers of doubt too soon,
This is why I gave my heart to you:
Just in a moment,
Just in a breath,
I'll tell you,
All that's left.
My muse you are,
Like morning rises',
Your soft eyes,
Dance in the sun,
As your face,
Under the moonlight.
Quick and still,
Still makes no sense.
And once upon a perfect night,
I felt like I was close and tight,
But then I realize nothings true,
Only my mind was focused on you.
Love isn't a match to be with,
O yes, some say loves' a myth,
But yet they also say theres more fish in the sea,
And I thought how this one was golden to me.
I realized this was just a test,
Because I am truely a pest,
But did I stop myself from being hurt?
No, I let myself be buried in the dirt.
Dreaming leads to nowhere strong,
It lead me down and I was wrong.
You'd think I'd get the moral of my life,
Which lead me to nowhere but strife.
Now I sit here and breathe,
As I let this dream sheathe within me.
That one is okay I suppose.
I'm going to do whatever I can.
To be a better person.
||[04 Jun 2005|06:22pm]
Today I saw my very first car accident,
I was innocently reading in the "hut" and I hear a car screetching noise and right in front of me and blue van slams into the silver car.
Ginger was in the silver car,
She's the owners, Mrs. B's, daughter, so obviously an employee.
It's all quiet for a second,
then I watch as like 2372 people run out of the campground tot he street.
The blue car screetched and then rammed into the bridge pole thing.
The fire department came, an ambulance, all these cops, all these cars, trucks, toe trucks.
The accident wasn't even bad,
Ginger decided to cry forever out of shock.
Then some lameo truck parked in front of the "hut" so I couldn't entertain myself anymore.
&That meathead who was driving the truck left it running and I had the window opened and it like starting toasting me like I was in an oven, so I had to shut the window and turn on the A.C then bugs started shooting out of the vent due to not being used in over a year.
And it made the hut smell.
I saw sick this morning, cramps, coughing fits, runny nose, and extremely tired due to 5 hours of sleep.
Suprising I wasn't tired all day.
But I didn't care though,
Because I talked to Jordan on the phone.
Even though I know as a fact in the end this will be another heartbreak,
I've never been able to get away without heartbreaks.
I keep telling myself,
"Victoria, you can do this,
5 more full days of school left,
Don't cry anymore."
I promise, for a week,
I won't cry unless a major thing happens.
I'm going to smile,
I'm going to show Zach,
I'm not depressed,
And I must have been lying.
I will be the best this week.
End the school with the best attitude.
I think I should state this fact,
All I ever wanted was to love,
And be loved in return.
But there is nobody that will do me that favor.
So I'll stay here,
And act like nothing has happened.
I'm done crying.
I'm in love with titanic,
and moulin rouge.
the 2 best love stories ever created.
Ooh and Cold Mountain as well.
I updated webshots if you care,
Alright my lovelies,
I'm going to finish off my lovely candy necklace.
Goodbye Mi Amors.<3
||[02 Jun 2005|09:13pm]
i need air.
i need fresh air.
i need to run through the night.
so dry my tears.
i need someone to talk to.
and I have nobody.
||[02 Jun 2005|09:07pm]
i just accidentally erased the song jordan sung to me.
i just keep listeningtoitover&over&over but I accidentally erasedit.
I cannot smilerightnow.
this is veryveryvery depressing.
||[02 Jun 2005|08:55pm]
You listen here you,
You listen here,
Every single one of you,
Every single person I know,
Have someway added to this pain inside my tears.
I have 2 swollen tonsils.
A pulled muscle in a place that is impossible to stretch.
I have a horrible head cold.
I cannot eat or drink.
I'm being very knarley.
Every single guy is a heartbreak written all over him.
I'm never liking a guy until at least september again.
Because I'm tired of hurting.
I'm always crying.
I'm always staring at the floor.
I'm always fighting.
I hate my life.
I hate it.
I hate it.
I sound fucking emo.
But I can't smile over one single thing right now.
Today Paige comes up to me in the bathroom,
She's halfway out the door,
Then she turns around and says,
"Jeremy told my friend he likes me."
then she grunts, and leaves.
Yeah. I've liked him all year long.
the nerve of that.
my mom wont stay off my case.
danielle wont go away.
and i think im just about the worst person in the entire world.
I hope I perish.
||[02 Jun 2005|07:23pm]
Had an atrocious day.
Until I got home.
It was like two days ago on buddypic I saw this really cute guy so I sent him a bp.
And then he told me to im him on AIM.
I hadn't talked to him since then until now.
He is very very sweet.
Perhaps the sweetest guy i've ever talked to.
His name, Jordan.
He is uber cute.
He called my phone and sung me in one of the most beautiful singing voices I've ever heard.
Ohh this kid is a charmer.
Too bad i'll most likely never meet him.
He's the best guy I've ever spoken too.
okay stop victoria.
&today I promised no more likeing guys until september...maybe.
Because i've been broken so many times.
It may kill me.
It's lowered my self confidence.
I now think I may be the ugliest girl ever.
I don't believe I can achieve anything.
I gave it up.
of my complaints.
"If you have something you don't like, change it. If you can't change it, DEAL WITH IT."
||[30 May 2005|10:00pm]
guess he didnt want to say goodbye.
he left at about 6:58 and I sadly watched the silver van disappear among the horizon.
Or neighborhood rather.
there's more fish in the sea.
or in his case, surfers.
I have the worst luck with guys.
||[30 May 2005|05:42pm]
I want to want to want to go ask AJ for his number before he heads back to VA Beach.
He'll probably think I'm stalking him.
A phone call to him..
20 minutes later.
Me: well this is a fun conversation.
hahah. I can only imagine.
I'd love for him to come and say bye.
But things like that.
Happen in my dreams.
Silly ole me.
Daniel. Yeah Haven't talked to him since almost a week ago.
Might as well forget all about him.
Silly ole me. again.
||[30 May 2005|05:36pm]
On the down side.
I believe my tonsils are | | <--- that close to bleeding due to massive coughing fits all day.
||[30 May 2005|05:31pm]
Actually today wasn't that bad.
I could barely get up this morning, I couldn't breathe while I brushed my teeth because I could only breathe through my mouth due to the clogging of my nose.
I went to work.
I had no watch at all today.
I decided to sit back and read.
I read and read.
and read and read.
The book has inspired me.
On the way home from work, dad was checking to see if a neighbor was at home, and we passed Bryan & regina's and there was AJ. At least I had my last glimpse of him.
Unless he finally got over being half mute and decided to accidentally wander into my house and sweep me off my feet..
wait no jk.
I daydream too much.
I just got my first cell phone ever.
It's very exciting.
||[29 May 2005|09:54pm]
I thought it was my allergies.
But it happened to be a cold.
My tonsils are swollen, &I feel like crap!
My grandma is down from Rhode Island.
I visited with her for two dinners.
I know, i'm pathetically stupid.
My parents went to our association meeting.
They saw some of their friends there.
&they're friends had nephews.
3 of them.
One in like elementary school, one in like 6th grade, &one in my grade.
&Man alive was he gorgeous.
I hung out with him last night.
But he's kinda shy.
&he didn't talk that much.
I always had to start the conversation.
So I tried.
But it was hard to think of a topic.
So we sat that doing nothing for awhile.
He didn't laugh that much.
He didn't smile much either.
It was kinda disapointing.
His name is A.J.
He lives at Virginia Beach.
He has brown surfer hair.
And he's very tan.
Now...that should explain to you that he already fits the image,
of my kind of dream boy.
I hung out with him last night.
But his family kept like coming in,
So we hung out with them too.
Then today, I decided to walk down to the dock where I met him.
In case I saw him again,
He was there.
He had gotten there like 5 seconds before me, actually.
He was fishing.
Fishing is funny.
He's way cute.
But I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He's leaving tommorow.
&I have no contact.
+I hafta work.
WHY WORK ON MY FUCKING DAY OFF.
I HATE MY JOB SO FUCKING MUCH.
I FELL ASLEEP ON JOB TODAY.
AND WHEN I FOUND OUT I HAFTA WORK TOMMOROW.
I GOT WATERY EYES.
I HATE HATE HATE IT IN THE HUT.
I'm more of an active person, ya know?
well, today I almost died.
i haven't been able to eat all day because my throat aches a great deal.
when I cough,
I dry throw up.
I wish I could see A.J one last time before he leaves.
It was worth my memorial day weekend.
But not working.
I would of been able to be with him tommorow.
But someone has to work.
Memere is leaving tommorow too.
I feel bad about not visiting.
they're watching titanic.
i think imma go beddy by now.
be a doll, and have me see AJ one last time.
one last time.
you never do anything else for me.
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